AJ's Piece o' The Web

Happy Birthday

One more year. It doesn't get any easier.

Miss you, buddy.

See you soon.

Lost Blogs Found

Published author, Hollywood writer, television commentator. There seems to be no end to the list of accolades bestowed on our beloved Paul Davidson. Well, Pauly D can add one more feather to his cap: "back of AJs toilet."

Oh yes. The Lost Blogs have indeed been found -- in my loo, perched triumphantly atop the commode.

We have been unpacking this week and stacked our books on the mantle above our fireplace. It took a good 2 hours to sufficiently randomize the books and make them look "natural", as if to say, "yeah, we're smart. (we're not) we read all o' these (we don't)."

Well, one book was quickly promoted from "trophy" to "must read two to three times daily, depending on what I ate."

Roll your eyes if you must, but this is the PERFECT bathroom book. Each blog entry (one per page) is entertaining, educational and most importantly -- the perfect length! Just today, I have passed some gas time reading about William Hearst, Lewiss Carroll and John Wayne Gacy.

In all seriousness: it's a hilarious book for nerds, history buffs and bloggers. And being that I'm a combination of all three... gastric goodness, flatulent fulfillment, poop perfection.

Come to think of it, I feel my belly churning. Got to check out Davy Crockett's blog about The Alamo. Don't worry... I'll light a match!

Ezekiel 25:17

To all those who would wrongfully attack me, my family, my sweetheart or my friends:

I am a nice guy.

I am honest to a fault.

My family is the most important thing to me.

My greatest joy is in eliciting laughter from others.

I will not tolerate bullies.

This nice guy has teeth (and lawyers, and connections, and a temper, and steadfast resolve).

If you mess with the bull, you will indeed get the horns.

I shit you not.

I've touched someone.

You really know you've made it as a blogger when you receive hate-mail. Yes, I do receive nastygrams from time to time.

Surprisingly, my detractors are not Asian or Mexican as one would expect, but rather EMO.

I received this email the other day, I assume in response to this post.

Let's break this down, shall we?

First, Rick's last name is "Rapier" which I assume is his real name because it is certainly not a word one would use to describe his wit.

What's the next thing you notice? The handwritten font. Isn't it cute? I especially like how all the "i" characters are dotted with what look like diacritic acute accents. This font is very... very... French! Viva la Font! Le Font du Triomphe! Fly away with me! Casbah! Berets! Mimes! And what have you!

(I would make mention about his improper use of apostrophe's but that would just be childish.)

Now, let me ask this. Why do I need to copulate with a goat? How does that help enlighten me to the plight of emo's ... oops, I mean emos. Now I'm not saying no. In fact, I'm intrigued by the idea. I'm just wondering how sex with a farm animal makes me more sensitive. If anyone reading this has ever had relations with a goat, send me a note (no pics please).

Next Rick asks (rhetorically, I think) if I assume emo-boys sit around and cut themselves. I never said such things. I never implied it. I did, however, say that they spend too much time whining about their suburban, middle class existences while humming the Garden State Soundtrack and quoting Napolean Dynomite.

I stand by that judgment. (Gosh)

Ok, the next section really made me mad. He accused me of being a "jock" and a "prep." Dude -- did you see my nerd score? I'm a "geek", man. Label me appropriately. I did NOT sit at the cool lunch table. (Ok, maybe I did. But I was wildly good looking and had a car) Regardless, I will not be labeled a Jock, Prep, Crip, Blood, Shark, Jet, Capulet, Montague, Hatfield, or McCoy.

I will admit, this death by finger-cutting-gas-inserting-match-swallowing sounds painful. It also sounds like a pretty cool David Copperfield act.

Best buy me a new cape.

 

Schadenfreude

This is cool.

Who invented the logo/symbol for a Biohazard? I think it's really cool. It... well... it sorta looks Klingon. Which is awesome.

(It would seem that my blog has been commandeered by a 12-year old nerd.)