That's right. I said it. Asian women can't walk.
Now, don't misconstrue me as some kind of anti-Asian racist. I'm not. Heck, if Kobe Tai, Lucy Liu, Tia Carrera all invited me over for a game of Dark Tower. I'd play. I'd even let them call me "round eye" and "yankee dog" and whatever.
Come on… stereotypes are fun. We *all* enjoy them. I can have a sense of humor about myself, too. You think that Asians don’t have stereotypes about Caucasians?? HA!
Now with all that aside: Asian women can't walk.
I exaggerate. Of course they *can* walk. They do walk. You see them walking. I see them, too. Walk. Walk. Walk. All the time. Every day.
But what they don't do is: walk *well*. ESPECIALLY in high-heels. Oye vey, not well at all.
My apartment complex consists of mostly Asian families. Before this apartment, I lived in Midtown Manhattan adjacent to "Little Korea." That's right, Sherlock, Asians there, too. Lots of ‘em.
So, obviously, I'm an expert on this subject.
For some reason, when Asian women are walking in high heels it's reminiscent of how a man walks in high heels: clumsily plodding along, kicking each foot in front of the other. It’s as if their shoes are a size or two too large and could go flying off the foot at any moment.
I might be home, maxin’ and/or relaxin’ when, in the distance, I’ll hear what sounds like someone tripping and almost falling over. You know that sloppy stumbling sound? But they never fall. There is no satisfying *thud* and subsequent groan. (And stifled giggle if I was watching)
Instead, the stumbling just grows louder, and louder still.
Then I’ll see a very nicely dressed, perfectly normal looking Asian lass go zipping by my kitchen window.
There she goes, stumbling off to her condo or apartment completely unknowing that she sounds like someone dragging a burlap sack full of sneakers.
You don’t believe me, do you?
First thing you do: *pay attention*. You’ll see that it’s true. Next, *ask* a non-Asian woman about it. Women know these things.