August 28, the year of our Lord 2005.
Thank you for sending me my latest J-Date matches everyday. After carefully scrutinizing the matches you've chosen for me, I've noticed a few problems which might lead to some future confusion.
1) I am not Jewish. Yes, growing up on Long Island makes me an honorary Jew. I've been raised with (literally), lived with (once), loved by (twice) and generally been around Jewish folk all my life. I like them. They like me. But guess what? I am *NOT* Jewish. As such, all these lovely ladies that you're using to tempt, titillate and tease me: THEY DON'T WANT ME. I'M GOY.
2) I don't live in Vermont. I've never lived in Vermont. I've been to Vermont a few times. Green. Nice. Good syrup. But I've never called it home. You claim that these sexy, single Vermonters are within some radius of my location. Unless that radius is, oh, 3013 miles, these gals are a bit too long distance for me.
3) I'm not Jewish.
4) I've never signed up for your service. Until tonight, I've never been to your site. Why haven't I signed up? It just didn't seem like it was for me. (See problem #1, #3)
5) If you look up MY NAME in the dictionary... you get:
gen·tile Pronunciation Key (jntl)
n. often Gentile
- One who is not of the Jewish faith or is of a non-Jewish nation.
- A Christian.
- Archaic. A pagan or heathen.
() So, by DEFI-FREAKIN-NITION, I should not be receiving matches from J-Date. I'm a heathen for Chrissake! What nice girl wants a heathen? (Grrrrrrrrrowwlll)
In closing, please stop sending me daily matches for women who do not want to date me, are too far away to date me, or only want to date me to get back at their parents.
AJ "the Gentile" Gentile