Can you emo-LA-hipster dudes quiet down a little? Seriously. I'm just sitting here in the coffee shop trying to do a little writing and I'd appreciate it if you could keep your ridiculous conversation to yourselves.
I couldn't be less interested in how the
Please stop lamenting about your pain and how life has been *so* unfair to you. Each of you is WHITE, MIDDLE-CLASS, AMERICAN and MALE. Guess what, it doesn't get much easier than that. If you don't think you're doing well enough in life, try cutting your jet-black-moppy hair. And the bulky black-rimmed glasses with the clear lenses? No. Just. No.
We don't think it's funny when you quote Napoleon Dynamite. Yes, Jon Heder was hilarious. Sure, I'd vote for Pedro. But dude, if you “gawsh” one more time, I'm going to use this biscotti like a Ninja throwing star. You want to see “sweet skills”? You're gonna taste my chocolaty wrath.
Nobody in this café cares how many MySpace friends you have. Your webzine sucks. And no, I don't want to read your blog. I can already guess what your web page looks like. Here's your checklist:
- Various poorly-lit pictures of you, taken by yourself in the mirror at odd angles. (you aren't smiling in any of them)
- A music video from My Chemical Romance or Something Corporate that AUTOMATICALLY plays when I go to your page and makes FireFox freeze while I wait for it to load.
- Depressing song lyrics
- A poem (that you didn't write) or
- A poem (that you did write which sucks)
- A review of a Dave Eggers book. (that you didn't read)
- An icon describing your mood: "sad", "depressed", "rejected", "lost", "misunderstood"
Hey. I sincerely believe that people should be free to do whatever they want to do. Hell, I'll be the first to admit that I've got issues and opinions. But I don't FORCE them on people.
You are going out of your way to make sure we know that you're hip and trendy. It's obnoxious. You're in a STARBUCKS in HOLLYWOOD, for chrissake. How underground do you really think you are?
Please, emo-hipsters, take your cappuccinos back to your Mini Cooper and leave the rest of us drones in peace.