I Don't Have a Urine Fetish

Jenny, Jenny, Jenny. (sigh)

We all know who Jenny McCarthy is, don’t we? She went from 1993 Playboy Playmate to MTV Game Show chick to sitcom actress to BASEketball.

It was all downhill from there.

Yes, I know she “wrote” a couple o’ “books”.

I still stand by BASEketball as the pinnacle of her achievements.

Let’s analyze the reasons for Jenny’s success. She’s not terribly talented. She’s not terribly funny. She’s not terribly intelligent. In fact, she’s often just terribly terrible.

But, I will grant you, she is terribly attractive.

At least, she was.

You see, Jenny has this persona in which she is this hot-chick-who’s-also-disgusting-like-a-dude.

This persona is a caricature and her career has always suffered because of it.

When your only talent is being attractive to males, you have to covet that gift. We are fickle. Unless you’re Renee Russo, you can’t be beautiful forever. Jenny should guard her hotness as something fleeting and sacred.

She doesn’t.

Instead she tarnishes her image by being freakin’ repulsive.

It’s true; we guys *do* like to hang around women who are like us. But that means you dig sports, PS2 games and Strongbad. That means you drink beer, eat red meat and don’t care about shopping. That means you geek out online, don't mind a little sweat and don't ever mention your nails.

That stuff is hot.

Belching isn’t hot when *guys* do it, Jenny. Stop it. Farting isn’t hot when *guys* do it, Jenny. That’s enough.

And pissing yourself on TV isn’t hot.

Ever.

The more revolting antics Jenny McCarthy pulls, the less and less appealing she is. Sure, we talk about her and blog about her. But we won’t ever, EVER take her seriously.

When I first watched her on MTV 10 years ago, I thought: “Here’s a smokin chick that seems fun and funny and cool to hang with.” That’s what *millions* of us thought. That’s why she got that sitcom. But instead of capitalizing on that pretty-but-one-of-the-guys image, she squandered it by going over the top.

You see, I don’t dislike her. But I wouldn’t want to hang with her. That’s why the major networks don’t call her. That likeable, relatable cuteness is gone. All that’s left is a repugnant, ill-mannered , foul-mouthed comic-book character who would embarrass you at Thanksgiving dinner.

And that’s too bad.

Comments

[ms. sizzle]

proof positive that looks can't get you everywhere.

peed herself?!

good god.

[Jacquie]

Funny. Jerk Of All Trades just posted a similar blog about this recently.

I always wondered if her acting like that was as repulsive to guys as it is to me.

[OC girl]

There has always been the top, then Jenny soaring over it.

I think something has to be said for the complete loss of sex appeal while sitting on the toilet in a feeble attempt to mediocre sell shoes.

But yes, she's smokin'

[Foxforcefive]

AJ's first official Humping of the Shark. But if your gonna Hump the Shark, that's the way to do it!

(seriously, great post as usual! even though I know your feeling a little dry at the moment. )

;-)

[jkirlin]

Dude, you are so so so right. It's a crime, really.

[Special Sauce]

Damnit, I knew shopping would count against me. But I swear I make up for it by knowing how to fix things (with duct tape!) and liking football. Oh, and not being Jenny McCarthy. And being able to control my bladder both on and off camera.

Every time I look at her, all I can think of is "ewwwww."

[AJ]

Sizzle-- I know. It's sad more than funny. Really.

Jax-- It is. And it's a shame because she is damn fine.

OCG-- I almost posted that Candie's photo. Really, it was NOT cute. It was NOT attractive. Pick up your undies, girl. Geez.

FFF-- Humped the Shark! But, I *did* put some substance in there! (And yes a little dry)

JK-- I know. You'd still hit it though, you dirty dog.

Sauce-- Your excellent taste in online radio stations puts you WAY above Jenny in my book. ;-)

[Groonk]

I always thought Singled Out was Jenny's high point. Oh and that time she did one of the Screams. You're right though... it's been all downhill for her from there.

On the burps: If a chick is hot and does a dry burp(nowhere near a vlurp) she gets cool points from me cause that means she doesn't give a damn about image bullshit. That can be cool. Sometimes.

Don't talk to me about the farts though.

Rene Russo. She dropped of the groonk hot-o-meter. Damn shame. I'd still hang with her though. Probably not after she sees this post. Yeah, that'd be a big negative for me.

Jenny McCarthy is definite shark bukakke. I mean, damn, she peed herself, dude. That ain't cool in elementary school. It sure ain't cool as a "grown up".

[Stacy]

Hmm...I always liked Jenny. I still like Jenny. I think I like her confidence in herself. Of course since the sexual aspect is removed for me I can't comment on ALL points. She's hot, she's funny and I bet she's fun to hang with!

[Christa]

Plus...she admits to being airbrushed. That'll kill a girls career.
What th hell is humping the shark, and how did I miss this phenomenon, and why would anyone want to hump a shark, figuratively or literally?? Please explain.

[Shinigami]

I'm not a big fan of blond chicks (except Janine Lindemulder) so I never understood the hoopla about this girl. The fact that her behavior is repugnant doesn't help, either.

[Merujo]

I'm so glad someone brought up the Candies ad campaign. There was a Candies TV ad back in the day where Jenny farts and pulls her underwear out from far up her crack as she walks through a store. Now, it's not like I was in the demographic for Candies shoes - ever, but that was the moment when I decided no one I knew should ever wear their crap.

I never saw that ad again, btw. I always wonder if so many people complained about some dumb chick farting and picking her butt, the company had to pull it...

[AJ]

Groonk-- I don't know. Rene's still looks pretty damn fine to me.

Stacy-- Hell, yeah she's confident. I'm not confident enough to piss myself in public. Still working on that.

Christa-- "Humping the Shark" is an expression I learned via Fox Force Five's blog: When you have nothing to post about, just put up pictures of naked celebrities. (She used a pic of Jessica Alba which certainly got my attention). So, that's sort of what I did here.

Shini-- Agreed. But I don't mind blonde chicks. But, you know, I'm a boy.

Merujo-- I never saw that, but I'm not surprised. Just. Plain. Awful.

[Chuck]

Anytime I see the name, "Jenny," it makes me think either of the movie "Forrest Gump," or of the song, "867-5309" by Tommy Tutone. However, even Forrest Gump would have been smart enough to stay away from the Jenny McCarthy 2005 edition.

[rarity]

One of the book reviews displayes refreshingly unbridled honesty:

"I sort of find her to be an obnoxious airhead;"

- still she bought the book and actually loved it. I guess that goes to show what low expectations kan do for you!

[Jerk Of All Trades]

Is there some Anti-Jenny thing that's sweeping the nation?

I JUST posted something similar on my blog.

[Armaedes]

This is essentially true; your description of the difference between a "man's woman" and a "genetic defect" are very accurate. Girls who like Strongbad are HOT.

[always write]

What about girls who DATED Strongbad?

Seriously, what he lacks in height he more than makes up in attitude. And he's a tiger in the sack.

Strongbad. *sigh* The one that got away...

[AJ]

Chuck-- Nasty is as nasty does.

Rarity-- Low expectations are my secret to happiness!

Jerk-- I love Parallel Development! It means other people are thinking the same thing. I'm checking out your blog right now...

Arm-- I won't date ANYONE who has a problem with Strongbad

Always-- He's a tiger in the sack? Even with those boxing gloves on? IMPRESSIVE. Maybe I should get me some boxing gloves and a red mask? Hot?

[Shinigami]

ESPECIALLY with the boxing gloves on!

You would do well to imitate, AJ. Then all the ladies will be All Up Ons you.

[always write]

Strongbad is so good he doesn't NEED hands. The man is like a Jedi.

(AJ, I am so getting you a red mask...)

[AJ]

Shini-- Good idea, I can take the ladie-types to DA MOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!11!!eleven!!

Always-- Kinky!

[Jennifer Lankenau]

Ah...Rene Russo. She is a goddess, and one of my favorites. (Tin Cup and Get Shorty...hell yeah!)

My husband needs to realize how good he's got it.

But that means you dig sports,
...Done. The pacific northwest's #1 San Antonio Spurs fan.

PS2 games
...X Box (GTA and Unreal are my faves...), but po-tay-toe po-tah-toe

and Strongbad.
...Three Trophies for The Cheat!! (Crazy cartoon is still my favorite!) Im not gonna call you monkeydude. I'ma call you Josh.

That means you drink beer,
...Shiner Bock (San Antonio, again...)

eat red meat and
...a nice, rare 12-oz-er

don’t care about shopping.
...only Barnes and Noble and Home Depot

That means you geek out online,
...'Nuff said

don't mind a little sweat
Working in my studio with a table saw usually does it...

and don't ever mention your nails.
...What nails?

Dum diddy dum diddy dum.

[duff]

oh, jenny, jenny, jenny.

how the mighty have fallen. peeing on oneself in public is just.... i don't know. seems like jenny's become desperate for attention (and dry underwear).

[Dariush]

I just met a girl who likes meat, drinks beer, loves Trogdor, grunts and is fluent in cavemanspeak and who is a rabid Kentucky Wildcats fan.

I'm currently trying to seal the deal before this beauty gets away.

TALLY-HO!