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November 11, 2005



AJ I just showed your blog to my husband and I have to say it's funnier the second time around...I am laughing so hard that I have tears streaming down my face...please post more embarrasing moments. I can always use a good laugh.




It's the bead-of-sweat comment that gives your story that extra kick of realism. That kind of gastrointestinal distress *always* seems to be accompanied by beads of sweat--and a sudden, powerful, flushed-face feeling that comes over you just before you know you'd better SIT. DOWN. NOW.

It's universal, evidently.

Years ago, I worked at a small, perennially almost-bankrupt software firm (as opposed to the current not-bankrupt software firm I work for now). We developer types used to go out to an all-you-can-eat Indian buffet now and then. They didn't serve their highest quality offerings at the all-you-can-eat buffet; there was an overabundance of ghee (and other fats) in the food. We were attracted more by the "all you can eat" aspect of the repast. And we'd eat plenty. Inevitably, *someone* (often more than one someone) would have to flee to the bathroom shortly upon our return to the office, experiencing a the kind of gastric distress you so eloquently (and painfully) described above.

One of my colleagues coined the term "Tandoori Armageddon" to describe the aftermath of our Indian buffet trips.

hhrvt - heather

I'm with BMC on the Indian food intestinal distress, it has to be the worst

Believe me, women's rooms can be nas-ty, cuz come on, how often to you encounter, um, the remnants of Aunt Flo in the men's room??

If I encounter a dirty toilet, I just move to the next one....its also been proven that the FIRST stall is the cleanest


i've done this more than once - the going into the ladies room part, not the ass volcano at Ruby Tuesday part. Since it has happened only thrice, and twice because I was drunk, I'm not that worried yet. Especially when I know TONS of women who have no qualms about making in the men's room -- it's like they do it for sport.

but all that aside, thanks for the belly laugh. effing hilarious!



just. ewww.


AJ, are you feeding me a load of crap? Are YOU telling ME that you have been to this restaurant again and again but didn't know where the mens' was?

AJ, please.


Nice one AJ laughed my socks off. I have come close numerous times in recent years to ending up in the wrong room as bars increasingly go for ever more elaborate designs for his and hers. These leave me standing there staring at the figure going "are those just big trousers or is that a woman?" I was at it again yesterday where the chosen pub to watch England wipe the South American smile off Argentina had some sort of gypsies (3-2 in case you missed it -;) ). All greens and blues, the man looked like a chick and the woman well it was difficult to tell.

Why or why can't they stick to the plain old tick men. They're great and instantly recognisable. I'll get the campaign a started.


Okay that's mean to be stick men.

special sauce

Oh... Oh AJ. Hee! That is at once priceless and utterly hillarious. And really, the clean seat should have been a dead giveaway. (Not that you'd know it from our ladies room at work, but generally speaking, we who sit to pee seem to have better aim...)



Nasty, nasty, nasty, nasty. Poor AJ.

"Tandoori Armageddon"??? bbahahahahahaha


Rabbit-- I might have considered that.

Sizzle-- Other TIMES you mean. :-|

Claire-- Yeah, boys need motivation to stay neat.

Dora-- Haha! Ok, let me try and remember more of those...

JM-- He's not going to like that.

BMC-- Ahhh... I have experienced "Tandoori Armageddon". But I love my curry too much to not eat Indian food.

HH-- I have never encountered Aunt Flo in a restroom. Does that happen? I might have broken down into tears.

Fabe-- If a woman does this, it's a simple mistake. But when a man does it, it's embarrassing. Or perversion.

Heather-- This is not a site for the squeamish!

Nic-- No. That was the first time that had happened -- in that restaurant.

Gordon-- I agree. Stickmen, please. Nothing clever. No themes. No languages other than english. STICK. MEN.

Sauce-- In retrospect, there were many clues. But the impeding disaster was hampering my powers of deduction.

Melissa-- Woe is me! Now, pass the Parmesan Nan... Mmmm...


That sounds horrible! Poor thing. I really felt the panic... Great story though. I'm just glad I wasn't there.

Mister Groonk


heh hee...wait..hahahahahahahahaha!!

ok...i woulda... heh..woulda....HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


i'm better now. i so woulda gone the scholari route.


At first, I thought this was going to be a post about gastrointestinal distress INDUCED BY Ruby Tuesday's. Because I can totally sympathize with that. This was pretty funny, though. In the middle, I found myself thinking "I am reading a detailed description of his trip to the bathroom. And, um, I'm STILL reading it. Great job, AJ! Fabulous use of detail!"


Danielle-- It *WAS* horrible. Hold me.

Groonker-- That was my FIRST reaction. Falsetto. SO glad I didn't go with it.

Jill-- I did my darndest to avoid certain specifics. I mean, we've all been in this type of ... situation. I didn't see the need for details.


I just made the mistake of reading this in a library, and had the entire room turn to me stony-faced as I started giggling gleefully. This is a truly hilarious (though unfortunate) story.

And... AGAIN?


AFter reading this post I am reminded of the last family trip we took...we had to stop at a rest stop to let the kids do their business but the line for the ladies room was hella looooong....with three kids who have to pee real bad....that line is painful...the boy went to the boys room and after that the mens room was open...."go use the men's room" I say as the other women look at me with a "is she crazy" or a "damn....wish I was that ballsy" needless to say when we decided to use the disgusting men's room (I'm assuming by the looks of the rest stop that the ladies room wouldn't have been much better) Now I have no problem using whichever toilet is open....they both flush the same! Although, it's funny when you aren't expecting it!


I was so serious. You fabulously included details that put us at the scene of the...uh...incident? crime? without giving, you know, those details. Hysterical.


Ok, and am I the only one, that when waiting for my comment to post, glanced over at the sidebar where the recent comments are listed and saw... "special sauce on Diarrhea"?


"special sauce on Diarrhea"






Oh friend you HAVE to check the sign, don't let poop cloud your vision, you have to think straight under the pooping pressure.


Great story, I can relate to the "distress" part. I have experienced the panic of being in the ladies washroom, but only partially. A local restaurant has signs on the inside of the washroom doors that are the opposite of the outside. So you go into the washroom, and then on your way out you see the Ladies sign... you have a quick panic and leave quickly. It can be fun to watch the shocked/embarrased expressions on peoples faces as they leave the loos.


As I sit here snorting and laughing I remember the theory that there are no accidents. I believe you are suffering from clean restroom envy.


That is the funniest description of a bowel movement I've ever read!!!!!

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