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November 05, 2005



i love you.

Jennifer Lankenau

Print this up and paper the walls of starbucks like a fiend.


i was just going to leave a comment that says "i love you"...but IW beat me to it.

what a whore.


I must admit, AJ...while the winters in Wisconsin are long, running into Emo hipsters is an issue I don't ever have to deal with. Of course, I don't hang out at at the Starbucks near the local university, which is probably where the few who live here might congregate.


*Ducks out of the way of AJ's Ninja Biscotti throwing*

Wow I bet that would hurt! I only wish I was there to see that twice baked cookie make contact ;-)


Imagine Hank Hill, seeing the propane-breathing dragon at the Heimlich County Renaissance Faire:

"That is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, I tell you what."

Do you have to fight the urge to beat them to death with their cell phones each time their uber-cool ring tone rips through the air?

Your diss on MySpace made me laugh. It's one of the most retarded "communities" I've ever visited. It's like the Internet had a bad, bad night of drinking Night Train mixed with KoolAid and then hurled forth the majority of the pages there.

Mark MacLeod

Those are all the reasons why hanging out in Starbucks can be extremely entertaining.


IW-- Coming from the Queen of Mean, that's a pretty damn good compliment.

Jenn-- I'd like to paper the walls of their candle-lit emo-house.

Heather-- There's almost enough of me to go around. Almost.

Chuck-- Wisconsin has no hipsters, so that's a good thing. But Wisconsin has no palm trees. There's always a trade-off.

LisaB-- And I would throw it BEFORE I dunked it. So it would be all sharp and crumby. Instead of mushy and delicious.

Merujo-- I could do a whole post on MySpace. Nee, a whole WEEK of posts.

Mark-- Good people watching, that's for sure. You really can't go to a Starbucks in Hollywood and expect to have peace. So that was kinda my fault.


I was gonna ask if you just got your period or something, but seeing as everyone loved this rant, I'll just say that I LOVE MINI COOPERS!


See, it's not just the hipsters that make me get that what-the-hell-do-you-think-you're-doing look on my face. It's pretty much anyone under a certain age behaving like they are under a certain age. Just try to remember what it was like, AJ, in your awkward teenage years before you found your niche in J. Crew and Banana Republic. Maybe for them pseudo-angst is the way to go.

BTW, there are hipsters in Wisconsin... Milwaukee is the place to look.

special sauce

Didn't someone once say that every time you masturbate, God kills an emo kid?

I think you have your mission, AJ.

If you need some WD-40, let me know.


"Queen of Mean"?! That's Leona Helmsley. And please, I love all my support staff and servants. I am the Queen of Hugs and Bunnies.

ms. sizzle

i was going to say: "i suggest using liquid silk over wd-40 if you are going to whack off emo kids" but you see the problem with that phrasing? it sounds like you are going to masturbate them rather than kill them. entirely not my point. the english language is so complex! whack off meaning to spank the monkey AND to kill someone...it is a wonder any of understand what anyone else is saying.

i completely agree with the sentiments in this post and wish that i could be sipping a latte when you use biscotti ninja-style. that would be awesome. :)


Rarity-- I don't have a problem with mini-coopers. I just have a problem with MEN owning mini-coopers.

Melissa-- I could excuse teen angst. But these boys were well into their 20s. Enough with the angst already, guys. Get jobs.

Sauce and Sizzle-- I'm an Astroglide man. ;-)

IW-- Ok, ok. You are the PRINCESS of mean. Better?


Starbucks, AJ? Really?

Dude, try The Coffee Table in Silverlake if you want peace to write. The hipsters there probably make for better people watching, and better yet, possible industry contacts.

Mister Groonk

Death by biscotti shurikens would be amusing.

Is Napolean Dyanmite really THAT funny? The more people quote it, the less I wish to see it.

Evangeline Lily makes my knees quiver. So sad she's dating a hobbit.


I was going to tell you how I feel, but I couldn't find the right Linkin Park song to express my inner turmoil.


Can we put the Emo Kids and the Ska Kids together on an island so they can skank and sulk each other to death?

Which reminds me, Kosai's Halloween date was Chad the Friendly Goth, who spreads Halloween cheer by writing happy poetry for children. Now THAT was funny!


What about the black nail polish, the Hot Topic journal filled with doodles and more bad poetry, and the Foamy the Squirrel tee shirt?

Pauly D

I'd like to just go on the record and say, what the hell is so funny about Napoleon Dynamite. I just don't get it.


Napoleon rocks hard. Don't try to understand it, silly. Watch it with your friends and then quote it non-stop.

Now that's a recipe for magic.



Wait just a sec, AJ, was one of them named "Shane"?

If so, tell my son to get the hell back home right now and mow the lawn.


Hee hee hee. A few months ago, I wrote a similar rant against your nemeses' female counterparts, in a Starbucks here in NYC.


Claire-- Thx for the info. I will definitely check it out.

Groonk-- She's dating a freakin' hobbit. Maybe he gets good longbottom leaf or something.

Shini-- That is funny! And kosai is too young to date.

Rabbit-- Yep. Those are the ones. Enough with the poetry already. Geh.

Pauly-- It had some funny characters, sure. But as a movie, I didn't think it was all that great.

JM-- *flings biscotti* whoooosh!

Melina-- Haha! These guys were too old to be yours.

Jill-- Ooooohhh... gonna check your archives now...


I would respond, but I'm very busy listening to NPR (and thinking of ways to drop that into all conversations for the next week) and/or a band which under 1,000 people have heard of (VERY cutting-edge) and shopping for "vintage" t-shirts. My level of self-awareness and look-down-on-everyone irony knows no bounds - if it did, I might have time to actually be pro- something instead of anti- everything - but like I said, I'm busy being hip. I don't have time to prove anything...


Wow, I had never thought about what kind of car emo-hipsters drive. The emo kids in seattle ride bikes, they don't use cars. So, they really like the minis, eh? There's something really not right about that.

Then again, there's something not right about emo in hollywood. How do they keep up that pasty white skin in so much sun. That sounds like a lot of work.

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